Terms and Conditions for the tele.internet.news service

Back in the good old .dk days, Christian Mygind posted this satirical charter for the tele.internet.news-service group, a group populated by customers and employees of what was then Tele Danmark Internet.

This group was set up so that TDC customers (split
across several subsidiary, parent and subsidiary companies to confuse
the consumer) could voice their dissatisfaction with the operation of TDC Internet’s
news server. The criticism is directed at 3–4 automated response bots set up for this purpose,
which sign off as ‘not representing TDC Internet’ and which
select an appropriate response based on an Eliza-based analysis of the
specific complaint, from the following five options:

1. We won’t know until Sonny has finished the code
2. The news service is not part of your subscription agreement
3. News.tele.dk is much larger than the other news servers
4. Meow
5. I’m off work, and I’m drunk anyway.